Before I begin! I would like to direct your attention to this raffle post! Win a copy of Princeless! Winners are picked on July 27th!
Annnnnnnnnnnnd, another thing! I found this awesome vid via FuturisticallyAncient on tumblr called I, Pet Goat II. It’s really cool and full of symbolism. Watch and behold!
Now on to the rest of the features!
Boobs Don’t Work That Way
If you’re a comic book fan like me, you’ve probably have noticed one thing that a lot of comic book women characters have in common – They’re stacked like towers and their suits don’t provide a whole lot of protection. And if you’re a comic book fan and a girl, it’s easy to feel a bit weird seeing women looking like this:
This is not even…this does not make sense. Boobs that big on a decaying corpse would have fallen off a long time ago given the lack of elasticity a dead body in that state of decomposition, I believe. And importantly, they would not be pert and buxom while the rest of the body looks like it had all its innards taken out with a super suck vacuum.
And then there’s the fact the artist is trying so hard to show both the boobies and the booty:
I have the strongest feeling that this lady’s super power isn’t stretch and I’m also sure at some point at her life she owned a spine.
That’s what the tumblr Boobs Don’t Work That Way is for! To point out how inaccurate and even misogynist these drawings are. Nothing is wrong with appreciating the female form but the female form is more than just t&a.
Y’see, the female form, unlike the male form, isn’t treated so fairly and as if a walking weapon in and of itself like the guys are. For example, it seems even if there is a female version of a male super hero, she is going to lack some pretty important features such as protection for major organs or just look like she had balloons stuff down her shirt and pants. Google Iron Man and Iron Girl/Woman if you don’t believe me.
Everytime I look at comics, I see them more than through the eyes of a fan. I see them through the eyes of a person who sews, a martial artist and most importantly, a girl. Here are the greater offenders.
- Outlined boobs in clothing: No. Just no. Nooooooooooooooo. Clothes, unless molded in something, does not outline breasts as singular spheres. It just does not happen because fabric does not press down in the middle by itself. I imagine that would be uncomfy anyways. Even if the clothing was made out of metal, it still wouldn’t do that, it would just curve out to accommodate the breasts, becoming a functional and practical breastplate. Plus if it were made of metal, the curve would be better because it would take a pretty half-baked shot to the chest to knock the wind out of the fighter if she had individualized cups since all the force would be focused right on the sternum, causing it to fracture or break.
- Barely-Holding-on-Clothes: Case in point: Catwoman in Arkham City. Boobs, being sacks of fat and mammary glands, cannot stay in place in all anti-gravity glory. Newp. If Catwoman’s suit was realistic, she’d be zipped up to her neck (or the zipper would fall) or her boobs would fall out while somersaulting or climbing buildings. I’m sure the last she would need in a fight is to say, “Wait, wait – WAIT! I gotta readjust.”At least they didn’t make her boobs too unrealistic, just her clothes. And I don’t know many girls who would fight skillfully in heels long term and remember, I’m a martial artist. Not saying it’s not possible, it is, but if you’re a crime fighter, fighting in heels constantly would probably be problematic.
- Dipped in oil/water: What is up with the shiny boobs? It makes me think of carpet burns, owwie. Animes and mangas are the greatest offenders. It’s just like watching movies or music videos that have women waking up from what appears to be a deep slumber with complete make up on – it’s totally unrealistic. Same with the shiny. Boobs, just like the rest of the body, is covered in skin, which isn’t very reflective. You shouldn’t be able to burn an ant colony or blind a random driver just by turning a particular angle on a sunny day. Please see a doctor or scientist if you can.
- Big Enough for Own Orbit: Bigger isn’t always better. A busty crime-fighter would not have thin strings or dinky things holding her down lest she wants to be knocked senseless by her own endowment. Plus, she would definitely pass on anything that creates support from behind her neck because that would feel like a total guillotine since the weight of her own chest would put all the pressure on the back of her neck – and this is saying nothing of the back! And no need to make them so big it looks like the girl could put them behind her and sit on them with ease. Make her something besides a walking sex object. Like a crime fighter.
- Underboob: Newp. File this under “Barely holding on clothes”.
All this making fun of unrealistic drawing of women who are supposed to be fighters is wearin’ me out. Here’s a picture of a female warrior who’s dressed for battle.
Everyone, this is Aveline, from Assassin’s Creed III: Liberation.
And here’s a tumblr dedicated to realistic fighting costumes! Women Fighters in Reasonable Armor.
The Undertaker/The Backwater Gospel
I found this video through my friend Bill on Facebook (huzzah, social networks). And it turns out the film is called The Backwater Gospel. It tells the story of The Undertaker coming to visit a small God-fearing backwater town. If The Undertaker comes, then someone is going to die, drawing tensions within the community as they wonder who is going to be the (un)lucky one.
I’m sure many of you have probably seen the “Like Mah Status” video that he did a while back”
Since seeing that, I saw a few more of his videos and found them to be remarkably funny, such as “How to Get a Boyfriend”. The cinematography is pretty skilled and the animations are hilarious.
His most recent work I really liked, such as the video about his gender and how people reaaaaaaally should stop questioning him on it as if it were as important as the health of the American economy. (Something I agree on, gender policing sucks)
Here’s where you can watch more of his works:
Miles Jai Youtube
Miles Jai Tumblr
Miles Jai Fan Page
Annnnnnnnd that’s all! Next week is Ask Black Witch so send in your questions! Good questions shall be answered honestly, bad questions I shall eviscerate happily.
Oh and if you’re in the Baltimore area, three things:
1) I’m going to be at Artscape this weekend. As per usual, I will most likely be watching short films. It’s free to everyone and I believe Brian McKnight is going to be there on Saturday.
2) I’m going to Otakon next weekend. I’ll be in lolita all weekend (I wanted to cosplay Lil’ Slugger from Paranoia Agent but that’s not happenin’)
3) There’s a precious little kitty that was taken to BARCS shelter named Janelle. Black as night and a total sweetheart. I found her during one of Baltimore’s nasty heat waves, kept her for a night and took her there because I’m not well enough for an animal yet. So if you want a little kitty, please adopt/foster her! Here’s a picture: